Laying on the Couch

It is hard to know the right way to handle anything in life let alone the difficult situations.  I find myself often trying to keep people updated on what is happening, where things are at and how I am so often that I am losing track of who knows what.  So I feel that communicating in mass is a one way of dealing with getting out the wealth of information that I have.   

So for many of you this is going to be the first time that you have read anything that I have written so I warn you now that I tend to be straight forward and often raw with the reality I am in.  So there will be times when you might read something and think to yourself, "Did he really say that?"  Don't be afraid . . . ok maybe a little afraid of what might come out of my fingers (this is typed and not spoken after all).   

These last few months have been maybe the hardest and most trying months of my life.  Now for some of you that know me that might be coming as a surprise because there have been some doozies when it has come to rough spots in my life.   Honestly there are times that it has become almost humorous in the way life has played out.   But in all honesty my hope, love, and faith in this world and life have been tested, stretched, and broken more so than I can recall.   In the last few months the brutal force of this painful world has crashed down on me.  There have even been night I hoped I would not awake ever again. 

In the last two months I have tried to deal with heartbreak, a diagnoses of fibromyalgia, and the final blow was the finding out that I had non hodgkins lymphoma (cancer) about a month ago.  Talk about your "What the hell is going on" kind of months.  It has felt like one thing kept happening after another.  

On october 7, 2008 I had a tumor removed from my lower back and was lucky enough that I was able to out patient surgery due to it's close location to the surface of my skin.  I was not attached to any organs and the cancer was encapsulated in the actual tumor.  In other words it had not spread to any other areas.  So I am blessed in the fact that it was contained.   I had about 4 stitched below my waist line and was sore for a few days but other than that it was not to bad.  Hey they gave me so sweet pain killers that rocked my face off.  

Today, was my first treatment of radiation.  So that completely sucks.  I went to the John Stoddard Center in Des Moines and was microwaved with some low grade radiation in my back.  It has completely worn me out.  I keep going from burning up to freezing and form crapped up to wanting to puke all over the place in about 10 second about twice a minute. Pretty much the crappiest feeling in the world.    I am still holding out in hope that somehow I am going to gain some type of super power from all this radiation.  Now I started out hoping to fly but now . . . . I am going for a little super strength and invincibility.   So if you could pray for that to happen I promise to come protect all that need my super powered help.  

But as for right now I am just laying on the couch and hoping that my heart will heal, my body will recover, and that this will all make me a better man than I was.  I am so thankful for the friends that have reconnected and I miss the ones who have not.  I love you all and want you all to know I am fighting.    Please Pray for me and come back here for updates.  I hope one day this is just a place to blog my thoughts and not my condition.  Peace.