Some fun thoughts

Ok I have plenty of things to say now that I am ready to write again but I decided to ease into things by looking at the lighter side of my life for a bit. As most of you know I have taken a job working at a homeless shelter in Ottumwa. To be honest the hardest part for me to accept about going to Ottumwa was I have no idea how I am going meet nice women to date and I am not even so sure there are that many available for me. So here are the Top 10 reason it will hard for me find women in Ottumwa and the Top 10 reason why they should love me.

Top 10 reason it will be hard to from single to married while in Ottumwa:

10. It is No-Shave November, which mean the chance increases everyday that I will be mistaken as homeless rather than just working with them.

9. I have no idea where anything is so if by chance I was to go out it would have to be at the Ottumwa Community Outreach Center or Marty's house because that is the only two place I know.

8. There will be an assumption I am a drunk porn addict because there are 3 bars, 1 strip club, and 1 adult movie theatre within 100 yards of my job. That and I almost walked into the XXX theatre because I thought it was the front door to the Chinese Restaurant.

7. I live in Ottumwa and my last name is VandeNoord. A dutch last name doesn't quite carry the same weight there. And if being good looking and dutch doesn't work to find a woman in Pella. . . . oh boy . . .

6. My wooing skills have been depleted by over using them in Pella to no success. What happened to them? I have gone from smooth to kinda creepy. All I need is a leisure suit and aviator sunglasses to complete the transformation . . . ah crap, I have worn that before!

5. I just turned the big 3-0 and I am still single . . . it is like that magic barrier where people go from saying "you got time" to whispering "do you think he is gay".

4. Indian Hill CC is my best bet to find someone single but dating 18-22 year olds isn't as awesome as it was a decade ago.

3. Using pick up lines like "Hey baby, do you want to go to my homeless shelter after the bar closes," doesn't quite have the same effect.

2.I don't speak spanish so 50% of my options are now gone.

1. I hang out with dudes. All day every day. Please refer back to #5

The 10 reasons they should love me:

10. How do you not love a guy that does charity work for a living. . . SERIOUSLY!

9. I am aerodynamic. I make being bald an art form.

8. I am from Pella and with it comes an assumption that I have money. . . . . . uh and if you're single and reading this . . . . I do have . . . let me check my wallet a second. Yep! I do have money.

7.Everyone I like hanging out with is already married. . . . that means built in chick friends for my lucky lady . . . that's not overwhelming is it?

6. I am cancer survivor. That's hot right? The idea that deadly diseases are inside me laying dormant. . . awesome!! And it proves I am tough.

5. I love the tv show LOST. Which only means I will only compare my lady to fictional characters like Kate and JULIET!! Ok just Juliet. But that is the only woman they ever have to worry about.

4. My exs want nothing to do with me anymore . . . even the ones I didn't even date. So no competition.

3. All girlfriends are pre-approved by my niece. If you have female parts and are around her for 5 minutes she will whisper to me, "Will she pllleeeeaaassee come play with me more. She's a keeper."

2. If you wear glasses, sweat pants, and don't mind having a cold beer once in while then you are in the running. . . that should qualify 90% of the women in Ottumwa.

1. My family and friends have completely lowered their standards for the women I date and will possible marry. They just want me to get married already . . . . . no pressure!!