Lighten up already.

A part of new job is to talk with people and listen to their stories. There is something amazing about knowing how people have come to where they are. Yet, there were a few things I didn't expect to learn from this process that would be like a mirror in front of my face. So there have been a few things that make me think about how I communicate and talk with people.

The other day I was sitting with one of our homeless and just flippantly asked him, "So what's your story?" I was genuinely interested in hearing how he had become homeless and where he had been in life

He laughed a little and said what everyone seems to say in that situation, "It's a long story". And of course I said that it was ok cause I have the time. He kept asking the if I wanted the long or short version. Of course I want the Reader's Digest version, short but with some of the important details, who doesn't right? After an hour and a half of trying to intently listen he was finally done telling me his story . . . . of the last year! I really wanted to get to know him but after the first 30 minutes my mind had checked out, mostly because I never had a chance to ask a question or speak a word. I don't know about you but these moments suck. You want to be respectful and at the same time you are looking for an excuse to leave the conversation but at the same time feeling guilty because you asked to hear about it in the first place.

But I came to a stark realization . . . . . I do this to people too. UGH!!! I started thinking about this when reading a blog by my friend Jon entitled Shhh! Do I talk too much? I know it is my nervous response to silence. . . silence can freak me out! But I tend to dominate a conversation and turn it into a lecture at times. I am only listening to what is said in order to respond not to enjoy the sharing in the stories or experiences like I want to. I listen but I don't really actively listen. And when I am on a roll I ramble and can be random. And I don't like any of this. Not to mention I am way less funny . . . lame! (yeah I sang that word)

Now I will also say that this doesn't always happen but often enough. And as I think about it there is so many things to gain from listening first and speaking last.

The last one to speak is usually the best informed to give a wise response.

Asking questions and letting people have there time to speak or tell their story is validating.

Knowing people and remembering the things you are told can lead to relational intimacy.

You avoid foot in mouth disease.

It gives you a moment to really think about what you want and should say.

Really listening allows use to empathize rather than looking for the right answer.

And I think it makes us more likable. Chatty Know-it-alls are not always the most popular even if they are right most of the time.

I am sure we all have friends that we know are serious conversationalist or we are one and I can't be alone on what I am thinking so what do you think? Let's converse!!