Showing up

I always wondered why this guy would always look in to the crowd from the bench of his high school basketball games. You could tell that he was looking for something or most likely someone. At first his eyes would be hopeful but before long that glimmer would be replaced with a glassy look of acceptance and disappointment. And when the game started he would sit at the end of the bench cheering on teams and sharing laugh with others on the bench with him, never letting that lost look his face again . . . . that is until after the game.

There was few time I stayed after to talk with parents and students and when this guy would come out of the locker room he radiated a spirit about him that was dedicated and passionate. Yet as players came out he would quietly walk to sit on first row of the bleachers or stand against the wall as all his friends went to chat with their parent. And when people would stop to chat with him he was more than happy to chat, but he was alone. I thought to myself, Where are the people that love this kid? How could they not be here?

I later came to find out that this good kid was the youngest of three son in his family and that his parents had not missed a single sporting event for either older brother in their entire athletic careers. But for him, these same parents, they came to less than a dozen games in 4 years of high school. Most of the events they attended were parent nights where it would be obvious if they missed. Still he would shrug, with a smile on his face and tears welling in his eyes, when ask where his parents were and often would just say they had to work late. What I later found out was there were greater problems at home. Something had changed between the days that his brothers played sports at Pella High and when he did. . . . and it wasn't this young man's fault. All he knew was that they didn't show up.

Now months later I was watching my favorite movie, October Sky, when something struck me. The movie is about 4 high school boys in the 1950's that want to desperately get away from the life of a cold miner which they seem destine to be. The way they try to achieve this was by becoming scientist and mastering rocketry. The main character Homer wants a to leave this destiny of coal mining so desperately that it cause a rift between him and his father whose whole life has revolved around the mine. As the movie goes on Homer builds amazing rockets that community loves to see launched into the skies above, but not his father. He constantly asks his father to come watch but his father refuses to support him in anyway because he feel that his son does not love or understand his dreams for his son. The father wanted to leave a legacy of his son following in his footsteps but Homer picked a different path. This continued until one day Homer's father comes to find out his son has always seen his dad as his role model and hero.

In that moment the father makes the choice to support his son for the last launching of their rockets. And it become obvious the impact it has on the son . . . .it was life changing because his father, his hero showed up.

It is so easy for us to look around and say that it doesn't matter if we are there or not. It's just a game or a concert; they will have lots of parties who care if I miss one; I am tired from working hard so they will understand if I choose to just pass; or they will invite me to hang out again but right now I need a little me time. Whatever the excuse is I think we are using them more everyday. The more we use this logic or choose ourselves over anyone else. . . . . the easier that choice becomes. Before we know it we have become a person that only is there when it is easy or makes us look better. We lose the joy of standing back and watching people we love accomplish something or show off what all their training was for or just being with them. We ask the question, What do I get out of this?

Is this what we want to be? Is this what we want to train our children to become?

Unknown to me at the time, the high school basketball player I watched had some people quietly showing up for him. Many of the parents of the other players loved on that young man. They decorated his car or when they sent encouraging treats or balloons on game day to their own sons. . . . he would get them too. When the games were over they would come a sit by him on the bleachers for a minute or two and give him a hug and ask him how he was. And to this day he remembers that and has a special place for his friends' parents. If you talked to him about it today I bet he would still get a little emotional about how he felt loved by these people.

Yet, what would have happened if his father had just shown up and done they same? I think it would have had the same impact has when Homer saw his father standing there to see him launch his last rocket . . . . and I bet that Homer will never make an excuse to not show up again because of the love of that moment. I was once told showing up is not enough, but the truth is showing up and just choosing to actually be in the moment is enough to change lives.