An Epitaph for the Living

There will come a day when I will not longer be able to speak or write about my thoughts, my hopes, or reveal the reality of the person I crave and desire to be.  A moment will come when my voice will become silent in air of this world.  And in the wake of that stillness other people's voices will murmur and whisper the ideas of how they took in the spirit of my heart.  On each of their hearts, who I am will write an epitaph on their souls.  

Often when we hear the word 'epitaph' the idea stirs up a picture of headstones with often quirky quotes, scripture, or "Beloved husband and father".  It is the final thoughts on a life that has come to completion and a wealth of joy and heartbreaks condensed down to one thoughtfully uttered sentiment of the our existence.  For many people the idea of life becomes almost absurd by the end and they inscribe something trite and witty.  Winston Churchill wrote, "I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."   

But if you really thought about what it was we wanted the world to know once we left this place; the one hope we want to be imprinted on the hearts of those we love; the one thing that might live on long past we are gone; our one blessing that could be eternal. . . I would pray that we would think about of just a little while longer and make it our entire being so that it could be real in the souls of all we cherish.   

Perhaps we, as existing spirits, that have some much life before us rarely look at what the final words of our life will be.  But what if we did take the time to think about what is was that we wanted people to know about the real us so when the Father invites us homes there is little doubt about the things that will be written deeply on the hearts of others.  We will never be perfect, we will hurt those we love at times without knowing it and sometime we will, there will be moments that we loss ourselves in the pain of the world. . . but what we leave behind, our legacy, will be written by what we allow ourselves to be.  It is our epitaph for the living.  Still what is even more amazing is that it is possible to to be a LIVING epitaph. 

So as the snow falls and wind hollows outside my window . .  . as I think about a friend that is 5 hours away. . . and another one that is minutes from where I am now . . . and how I want all the people that will miss me one day to remember my life and hope . . .   I will write a few things that really matter to me.  It is my epitaph that lives.

Love is all that really matters.  Never be afraid to take chance on that which makes your heart breathe and sigh.  Some moments will be so quick and sudden that they will blindside us and surprise us to core.  These glimpse of transcendental joy could make us doubt all we have ever know. Yet still, real love is nothing we will ever look back on with regret or remorse.  These sanguine moments we hold dear are not controlling, have no conditions, and never dares to degrade the greatest reality we can be a part of.   Love lifts a person to meet their hopes and dreams, whether they are big or small, and the joy that comes with it frees us from the selfishness that seem to shackle our soul.  We must be willing to let love in.  There are times we believe that love can not be as good as it seems but the reality is you rarely meet your soul mates so when you do hold on them. It might not be convenent or simple but you get a crack at someone that touches your soul a few times in this life, don't be afraid to risk it.  This is one thing that I have learned in the last year more than ever before in my life.  

Often we determine the possible based on the circumstances of our lives during that moment of time and how other's might accept the chances we take.  Such ideas of the lost possibilities have made us stop believing that anything is imaginable and that we are contained in our past decisions and perceived mistakes.  Often we look past people that make us believe anything is attainable because we are afraid.  It is in those moments we let people that could love us well for our entire lives go by.  Not because they are unrecognizable, rather so, they are too real and we believe it is only disappointment that awaits us and them.  The truth is these are the people that will reach down to help when we fall and stay with us through the shit to get to the palace. Never make an excuse to not be around these beloveds, for they will only want to bring the best out of you.    

If you lose the things you love never submit and give up on them.  When you find them again perhaps it will be different and there will be things you miss but risking it to be present in someone's life, that mean the world to you, is coming a bit closer to heaven.  Never be scared to be open to anything that is possible while being grateful of the past.  

Love, Love, and Love some more.  

Never let go of your dreams unless they change because you change.  The real people in our lives that love us will never ask for us to let go of what we are passionate about.  IF you are in a place that asks you to leave who you are behind to be someone you are not then get away from that place and those people. . . don't walk . . run!   Find someone that see you for who you could be if given hope, encouragement, and a smile.  They can save you from the world that tells you to give up all personal hopes to be "successful".  It isn't a life worth living.  

But mostly it is this.  Fight and pray to live in the midst of real Love because when you are there you love everyone so much better.   You will know when you are there because it is effortless, it will pour out and so does joy . . . and  if you don't know what I mean then come spend a little time with me. hahaha.  Or I guess find somewhere or someone that makes it worthwhile.  

I got a good idea where to start living . . . where He died in love.

 

Round 2

So starting on Tuesday I will start my second cycle of radiation.  I was supposed to be done with everything by now but life has a tendency to come out and change the rules on you.  I am not sure how I feel about everything.  It seems almost normal to me to be going back, like it is part of my normal flow.  But I want it to be over soon.  I want to just be able to live and no longer just get by. It is round two and it is go time.