25 Days

For almost 1/12 of the year we are building toward one day, a singular celebration. There are traditions, decorating, gatherings, shopping, gift giving, and most a sense of "Good will towards men." It is the one time of year that seems to maintain the ideals of childhood and the magic that hope is built on. Every day for nearly 25 days tingles with just a little bit of anticipation and expectation.

But do we know what that anticipation in our souls is really for? For weeks we are preparing for this one day. I am hoping that you are will to walk with me for 25 days that lead up to the birth of the Savior. Somedays I will discuss what the Bible had to say about the Messiah's coming and other will just be reliving Christmas pasts and the what make us love these days.

But mostly I am hoping that we can reminisce together and talk about what we hope to get out of this holiday season as we look forward to our savior's birthday. Be blessed.

Chasing Dreams

At some point or another everyone has woken up in the middle of the night and look around the room wondering where they are, confused by what had just occurred. Our eyes try to focus in the darkness even though we just stare at the ceiling while trying to gather a thought. But after a while we roll on our side, pull the covers a little closer and wonder one or two questions, "What did that mean?" or "Why was it about them?"

Dreams have always been a completely mystery to me. It would not be surprising if one asked a hundred people what dreams actually meant or what was there purpose and then got a hundred different responses. Oddly enough even the Bible tackles the idea of dreams and there purpose. There is the story of Joseph and how he found power and direction in dreams. So does this mean that dreams that come from our sleeping minds have a purpose to how we live our lives? Now in Joel (2:28*) it says, "Your old men will dream dreams and your young men will see visions." How do we deal with this idea?

Now depending on your opinion of me I might fall into either category (young or old) but for the sake of arguing I will lean toward the old men because I having dreams these days.

My dreams have been haunted lately by a woman from what feels like a lifetime ago. I have only seen her once since I graduated from high school almost 12 years ago. But without fail, for the last three years, I have dreamt about her at least once every three or four months and every time I wake up confused and desperately wondering why her and what I am suppose to do with it. The dreams vary but most times there is a sense that either she needs me or I need her. She is not a old flame thought I did care for her a great deal in high school. I know it is far from romantic hopes. I don't feel drawn to her that way and I am pretty sure she is married (and I want her to be blessed in that).

Then today another strange moment happened. As I looked through a box of things I packed up a few months ago I found a picture of her from senior year. All of my pictures from high school are packed away and have never been near these items, still there her pictures was. What is going on here?? All this even kind of makes me feel uneasy.

I know that her and I had a different kind of relationship. We were not super close but I would have been there in a moment if she needed me and I think the same was true for her. But she was always overshadowed in my life by another girl in high school and now looking back that is regretful because we could have been great friends. Thinking about it at this moment truly leads me to a sense of loss and a touch of sadness. Perhaps these are all foolish thoughts because I want these dreams to have purpose.

Now it is easy to say that dreams have purpose, that dreams can and will show us the will of God, or that they illuminate something inside our heart and mind that needs to be addressed. Yet, how do we get from point A, the dream, and get to points B, understanding the visions of our soul and/or how to act on those with people? And more so how do find the meaning without sounding crazy? Are we supposed to act on the ramblings of our sleeping minds or are we to look past them? But what if we deprive ourselves somethings amazing by never finding the meaning? Is there divine purpose in our dreams, and if there is how do we pursuit it?

Blessings

Showing up

I always wondered why this guy would always look in to the crowd from the bench of his high school basketball games. You could tell that he was looking for something or most likely someone. At first his eyes would be hopeful but before long that glimmer would be replaced with a glassy look of acceptance and disappointment. And when the game started he would sit at the end of the bench cheering on teams and sharing laugh with others on the bench with him, never letting that lost look his face again . . . . that is until after the game.

There was few time I stayed after to talk with parents and students and when this guy would come out of the locker room he radiated a spirit about him that was dedicated and passionate. Yet as players came out he would quietly walk to sit on first row of the bleachers or stand against the wall as all his friends went to chat with their parent. And when people would stop to chat with him he was more than happy to chat, but he was alone. I thought to myself, Where are the people that love this kid? How could they not be here?

I later came to find out that this good kid was the youngest of three son in his family and that his parents had not missed a single sporting event for either older brother in their entire athletic careers. But for him, these same parents, they came to less than a dozen games in 4 years of high school. Most of the events they attended were parent nights where it would be obvious if they missed. Still he would shrug, with a smile on his face and tears welling in his eyes, when ask where his parents were and often would just say they had to work late. What I later found out was there were greater problems at home. Something had changed between the days that his brothers played sports at Pella High and when he did. . . . and it wasn't this young man's fault. All he knew was that they didn't show up.

Now months later I was watching my favorite movie, October Sky, when something struck me. The movie is about 4 high school boys in the 1950's that want to desperately get away from the life of a cold miner which they seem destine to be. The way they try to achieve this was by becoming scientist and mastering rocketry. The main character Homer wants a to leave this destiny of coal mining so desperately that it cause a rift between him and his father whose whole life has revolved around the mine. As the movie goes on Homer builds amazing rockets that community loves to see launched into the skies above, but not his father. He constantly asks his father to come watch but his father refuses to support him in anyway because he feel that his son does not love or understand his dreams for his son. The father wanted to leave a legacy of his son following in his footsteps but Homer picked a different path. This continued until one day Homer's father comes to find out his son has always seen his dad as his role model and hero.

In that moment the father makes the choice to support his son for the last launching of their rockets. And it become obvious the impact it has on the son . . . .it was life changing because his father, his hero showed up.

It is so easy for us to look around and say that it doesn't matter if we are there or not. It's just a game or a concert; they will have lots of parties who care if I miss one; I am tired from working hard so they will understand if I choose to just pass; or they will invite me to hang out again but right now I need a little me time. Whatever the excuse is I think we are using them more everyday. The more we use this logic or choose ourselves over anyone else. . . . . the easier that choice becomes. Before we know it we have become a person that only is there when it is easy or makes us look better. We lose the joy of standing back and watching people we love accomplish something or show off what all their training was for or just being with them. We ask the question, What do I get out of this?

Is this what we want to be? Is this what we want to train our children to become?

Unknown to me at the time, the high school basketball player I watched had some people quietly showing up for him. Many of the parents of the other players loved on that young man. They decorated his car or when they sent encouraging treats or balloons on game day to their own sons. . . . he would get them too. When the games were over they would come a sit by him on the bleachers for a minute or two and give him a hug and ask him how he was. And to this day he remembers that and has a special place for his friends' parents. If you talked to him about it today I bet he would still get a little emotional about how he felt loved by these people.

Yet, what would have happened if his father had just shown up and done they same? I think it would have had the same impact has when Homer saw his father standing there to see him launch his last rocket . . . . and I bet that Homer will never make an excuse to not show up again because of the love of that moment. I was once told showing up is not enough, but the truth is showing up and just choosing to actually be in the moment is enough to change lives.

Lighten up already.

A part of new job is to talk with people and listen to their stories. There is something amazing about knowing how people have come to where they are. Yet, there were a few things I didn't expect to learn from this process that would be like a mirror in front of my face. So there have been a few things that make me think about how I communicate and talk with people.

The other day I was sitting with one of our homeless and just flippantly asked him, "So what's your story?" I was genuinely interested in hearing how he had become homeless and where he had been in life

He laughed a little and said what everyone seems to say in that situation, "It's a long story". And of course I said that it was ok cause I have the time. He kept asking the if I wanted the long or short version. Of course I want the Reader's Digest version, short but with some of the important details, who doesn't right? After an hour and a half of trying to intently listen he was finally done telling me his story . . . . of the last year! I really wanted to get to know him but after the first 30 minutes my mind had checked out, mostly because I never had a chance to ask a question or speak a word. I don't know about you but these moments suck. You want to be respectful and at the same time you are looking for an excuse to leave the conversation but at the same time feeling guilty because you asked to hear about it in the first place.

But I came to a stark realization . . . . . I do this to people too. UGH!!! I started thinking about this when reading a blog by my friend Jon entitled Shhh! Do I talk too much? I know it is my nervous response to silence. . . silence can freak me out! But I tend to dominate a conversation and turn it into a lecture at times. I am only listening to what is said in order to respond not to enjoy the sharing in the stories or experiences like I want to. I listen but I don't really actively listen. And when I am on a roll I ramble and can be random. And I don't like any of this. Not to mention I am way less funny . . . lame! (yeah I sang that word)

Now I will also say that this doesn't always happen but often enough. And as I think about it there is so many things to gain from listening first and speaking last.

The last one to speak is usually the best informed to give a wise response.

Asking questions and letting people have there time to speak or tell their story is validating.

Knowing people and remembering the things you are told can lead to relational intimacy.

You avoid foot in mouth disease.

It gives you a moment to really think about what you want and should say.

Really listening allows use to empathize rather than looking for the right answer.

And I think it makes us more likable. Chatty Know-it-alls are not always the most popular even if they are right most of the time.

I am sure we all have friends that we know are serious conversationalist or we are one and I can't be alone on what I am thinking so what do you think? Let's converse!!

Encourage this!

Monday morning came and . . . I was feeling preetttty good. I had survived the chaos of the weekend and if you asked me I had just knocked another solid talk out of the park the morning before. I was returning to my old element of teaching and I liked it and realized I had missed it and . . . . oh yeah, I was good at it. I was feeling a lot of gratitude towards my good friend Jonny K (PS I am really glad you are still alive!) and wanted to thank him for inviting me to his youth group again.

Perhaps it was at that moment God decided to let reality set in for me. "I was completely lost on what you were talking about yesterday." That was almost the first thing said to me. Oh NOOOO!! I knew I had been avoiding the truth that I took the fact that I was entertaining as success instead embracing the fact that I had never really explained my point on what I meant by "Having the courage to stand". I could say it was because I was pressed for time or that is was my third talk that week or that I really, really have no idea how to explain encouragement. Nope, the reality is that I wasn't sure what to say and I was taking a stab in the dark. It was like I was playing Pictionary and I drew the card that said The Theory of Relativity. WHAT? How do you draw that?

So every time I don't think I can get any dumber. . . . .ok, time to totally do a little redeeming of myself. Here is what I really wanted to say sunday morning so if you are Jon or one of his awesome youth kids then believe me this will make sense.

Encouragement is not a luxury for mankind, it is a necessity. Being able to get through this life is hard enough, but without having people to believe in us when we don't believe in ourselves it is impossible. Yet sometimes when we feel our lowest or in our darkest hours then words are not enough. So then the question becomes how do you draw the Theory of Relativity?

It is impossible to always have the right thing to say. When someone is in their darkest moment we have no idea how that truly feels to them. The depth and layers of emotions is more than we can process and find a verbal blessing for. Now that is not to say that our voices carry no weight what so ever but being in the moment with person holds more truth than any iota of wisdom we can come up with. Still how hard is it to actually stand in those moments, to be involved in another's pain or sorrow or discouragement, and take on part of it as your own?

The beautiful part of being in it with someone is that there is a connection. And inside that experience is that fact that we believe that someone else wants us to have a life worth living, to achieve our dreams, or just make to it through to tomorrow. What is most surprising is that when we are in it with those we love . . . . .the right words seem come when you need them because we know what our heart is saying as we live in part of that pain with them and usually that is what they need to hear. We just want to know we are not alone, that God is with us.

Music and my mind

There are just songs I love without a real reason, they are just good music, and then there are other songs I can't help but love. Where ever I am, whatever I am doing; I stop and often find myself holding my breathe. And as I finally breathe out with a sigh, it is like little man in my mind clicks on the movie projector of my memory.

As I drove to work this morning one of those songs came streaming into my radio from my ipod. Before I knew what was happening or could stop that little man from pushing the button in my head. . . . I could see her face clear as the day is bright. There were days in my past I tried and struggled to remember every detail of that face but time makes it harder to recall it all. But today in my mind's little movie theatre I could remember everything and she looked as beautiful and strong as the day I met her. As long as the song played I remembered so many things that brought a smile to my face but came with a bit of sadness as well.

The song faded out and so did my thoughts about those days gone by. I sometime wonder if I want to hold to the past. Do I want to remember her beautiful face and who she was . . . . or would I rather know it for who she is now and all the changes that come with it. Or would I rather forget and never listen to that song again.

The truth is I love the song. The memories that come with it are bittersweet with a hint of longing and whole lot of peace. I don't live in the past thinking those where the best days of my life or that I wish for something different. It is just good to remember and see that face clearly again . . . . and to smile at the thought of her one more time.

Oh and the song. . . Holiday in Spain by the Counting Crows

Be Blessed

Some fun thoughts

Ok I have plenty of things to say now that I am ready to write again but I decided to ease into things by looking at the lighter side of my life for a bit. As most of you know I have taken a job working at a homeless shelter in Ottumwa. To be honest the hardest part for me to accept about going to Ottumwa was I have no idea how I am going meet nice women to date and I am not even so sure there are that many available for me. So here are the Top 10 reason it will hard for me find women in Ottumwa and the Top 10 reason why they should love me.

Top 10 reason it will be hard to from single to married while in Ottumwa:

10. It is No-Shave November, which mean the chance increases everyday that I will be mistaken as homeless rather than just working with them.

9. I have no idea where anything is so if by chance I was to go out it would have to be at the Ottumwa Community Outreach Center or Marty's house because that is the only two place I know.

8. There will be an assumption I am a drunk porn addict because there are 3 bars, 1 strip club, and 1 adult movie theatre within 100 yards of my job. That and I almost walked into the XXX theatre because I thought it was the front door to the Chinese Restaurant.

7. I live in Ottumwa and my last name is VandeNoord. A dutch last name doesn't quite carry the same weight there. And if being good looking and dutch doesn't work to find a woman in Pella. . . . oh boy . . .

6. My wooing skills have been depleted by over using them in Pella to no success. What happened to them? I have gone from smooth to kinda creepy. All I need is a leisure suit and aviator sunglasses to complete the transformation . . . ah crap, I have worn that before!

5. I just turned the big 3-0 and I am still single . . . it is like that magic barrier where people go from saying "you got time" to whispering "do you think he is gay".

4. Indian Hill CC is my best bet to find someone single but dating 18-22 year olds isn't as awesome as it was a decade ago.

3. Using pick up lines like "Hey baby, do you want to go to my homeless shelter after the bar closes," doesn't quite have the same effect.

2.I don't speak spanish so 50% of my options are now gone.

1. I hang out with dudes. All day every day. Please refer back to #5

The 10 reasons they should love me:

10. How do you not love a guy that does charity work for a living. . . SERIOUSLY!

9. I am aerodynamic. I make being bald an art form.

8. I am from Pella and with it comes an assumption that I have money. . . . . . uh and if you're single and reading this . . . . I do have . . . let me check my wallet a second. Yep! I do have money.

7.Everyone I like hanging out with is already married. . . . that means built in chick friends for my lucky lady . . . that's not overwhelming is it?

6. I am cancer survivor. That's hot right? The idea that deadly diseases are inside me laying dormant. . . awesome!! And it proves I am tough.

5. I love the tv show LOST. Which only means I will only compare my lady to fictional characters like Kate and JULIET!! Ok just Juliet. But that is the only woman they ever have to worry about.

4. My exs want nothing to do with me anymore . . . even the ones I didn't even date. So no competition.

3. All girlfriends are pre-approved by my niece. If you have female parts and are around her for 5 minutes she will whisper to me, "Will she pllleeeeaaassee come play with me more. She's a keeper."

2. If you wear glasses, sweat pants, and don't mind having a cold beer once in while then you are in the running. . . that should qualify 90% of the women in Ottumwa.

1. My family and friends have completely lowered their standards for the women I date and will possible marry. They just want me to get married already . . . . . no pressure!!