I am moving.

Ok not in the literal sense but I am moving today mark the arrival of TravisVandeNoord.com. Yes, indeed I am an egomaniac that needs my own webpage. For all of you that read please switch over and be part a part of this exciting change. I think it has a lot of potential.

Blessings

Travis

Something Personal

I know I just posted but that was something I had been thinking about for a long time. Sometimes I feel like I am hiding behind ideas and not being very "present" in my blogs, so I wanted to share a bit I guess.

I am getting things figured out finally. Ever since I went into remission in April I have felt like I have been floating by. It wasn't that I was worried that I would get sick again or that I was needing time to emotionally recover. I just wasn't sure of what was next, where I was to go. But in the last couple of months I can see that God is doing some amazing things in my life. He making ways, opening my eyes, but more importantly for the first time since I was sick I feel like my heart is opening too. There is sense of reckless love and joy. It is easy to only lay so much of yourself bare but the truth is I am happy and feel good in my spirit.

I am not sure what is next but what I do know is that with all of my heart I am ready for the adventure. Where ever and with whom ever I am going to be genuinely myself.

Blessings

White Knuckling It

A little over five years ago I walked timidly into a hospital room, just peeking my head in at first to make sure it was ok to go inside. And as soon as my head got inside the room (which by the way I had way more hair back then) I heard a little 4 year old voice say, "Travis, I'm a big brother!" My nephew was proudly wearing a tshirt that said the exact words that came out of his mouth. He wa

s so excited. "She even has bow in her hair today."

This was big moment in the VandeNoord clan. She was the long awaited girl that everyone had been pleading with God for. As I sat down in the ugly hospital chair, my brother picked up this newborn that was tightly bundled in a blanket and handed her to me. Pretty much love at first sight. (Ladies that doesn't mean there isn't chance of me saying that about one of you someday. Just throwing that out there.) For the next two hours I just held that baby and she cuddled up as close as she could as she slept. Janae Faith became the crown princess of the family without doing anything other than being.

Now fast forward to this past Christmas. The crown princess is now a ball of energy with a wickedly witty sense of humor and streak of independence that even makes me raise my eyebrows and smile. If you blink you will miss her. If want something from her, you are only going to get if she wants you to have it. And if you think she is afraid of anything, think again.

As the littlest one of the family she is still considered a baby. (And there won't be a littler one unless I get on the stick already. My parent made that point clear during the holidays as well.) So Grandpa always want to pick her up, Old Grandma always wants a kiss, and Uncle Jason . . . well, he still doesn't know what to do. But whatever they try to do to get her do what they want, it fails miserably. They are holding on with white knuckles.

So why do we do it? Why can't we let go? Perhaps I am one of the few that wonder this. Somewhere in the long history of living we have decided that holding on to things helps use remember or live on. It makes me think of my parents attic honestly. When you walk up there you see boxes and boxes of stuff. Things they stopped using the last couple of years, old rolls of wrapping paper that never get used, or half their wardrobe from the 1980's. (I know it is, I was alive then.) We all hear the stories of when people die how their house were full of "junk". But it wasn't junk to them. They were holding on to it for some reason.

But what about the other stuff we cling to that is inside of us. The last year and half has been an interesting one for me. Though I have written a lot about it here, there has been far more than I could ever really express, some things I kept private. Some would call it my baggage. But as I have read many people's blogs in the past few weeks I realize they have some baggage as well. And I am not talking about just the bad stuff. We are just a people that can't let go.

The cancer and sickness, the aloneness, the work frustrations, the hurts, the losses, the miscarriages, the break ups, the failures . . . . all these things to process and intellectually we think of how we need to let them go and we try to. But what about the victories, the successes, the good memories of past relationships, how great the way things use to be, or the perfection of how someone seemed to be years ago. Why do we hold on to that? In fact maybe we hold on more tightly to that than the rough stuff. How can we claim to be able to let go of anything when we have trained our hearts to hold on?

What if holding on to the good is just as hurtful as holding on to the bad? What if work success blinds us from seeing opportunities because we have a "good, secure job"? What if we expect someone to be there for us again after many years because that is the way it use to be, but now it's not? What if we miss out on the loving someone fully because we hold on to the "good memories" of a past relationship? Is it possible that holding to any of our past moments, good or bad, prevents us from fully being in the moment right now? How much worry comes from the "good baggage" as well?

During Rob Bell's Drops like Stars tour he eluded to the idea of "So what". So what you had cancer. So what you have a great job that you are "successful"in. So what . . . . But Rob then finally came to the right question, "So what now?" Letting go means letting it all go and looking for the now. Following where God is now. Loving someone now. Making a life better now.

So back to this little girl I love. This Christmas I just sat back and let her be the little girl she is and did not long for the little baby she was. I engaged her personality and we talked. Yes it was about dolls, the prospect of kindergarden, and her favorite color pink but that is what she is about right now. We named her new pillow pet, Leah (the 20th stuffed animal named Leah by the way). I just wanted to be in it with her and let go of my tight grip on the idea of wanting things to never change since that May day in the hospital. And you know what happened? About half way through the opening presents she crawled up on to my lap and cuddled a little and showed me the new Barbie I got her. Letting go brought her a little closer.

What a season!

We all complain that the holidays are too fast placed. All the running around, all the family gatherings, and the food . Ok, so I am not sure that the food has anything to do with being too fast paced but it is kind of fun to think of all the delicious food .................................. Sorry for the long pause I was thinking about all the Christmas goodness.

Anyway...

For many of us it feels like the holidays are dead spirit and once New Year's is over there is that huge sigh of relief, "Finally, back to normal". It literally feels like they have run a race and are ready to rest. Yet I have a different reaction to the holiday madness. I feel more like I took a light morning jog and instead of being tired I am feeling energized. No stretch required!

It is not the event of the last week and half that have made it amazing but rather the people. So here are my friends that rocked out my life during the holidays.

The VanWeilers and family. I don't get to see Adam very often and when I get a chance to see that wily, artist yuppy . . .well, I don't miss the chance. This man has more creative ideas on the brain than most people I know combined. Every time I talk to him my head goes into overdrive because he get my creative spirit going. Now combine that with getting to talk a little LOST in on the action. Perfect! Adam's wife and family are always so kind to me as well. They never make me feel like I am imposing even when I am. So to Jenna, Tony, Sharon and Maria. . . you are the best.

Greg Shepherd. Do you have those friends that no matter how much time has pasted you can just flow right back into things. Greg and I are like that. After about 10 minutes of catching up we are discussing our thoughts, hope, or frustrations. I am so excited that this dude is going to be a father. He is going to rock at it. I am banking on a daughter for the first baby Shepherd and I know that if it is that she will have her daddy wrapped around her finger but he will also protect her like no other. I look forward to how our friendship will grow in the coming years.

Jerod Garland, Mike and Tracy Redman, Joe Lubach. I sometimes forget how much I love to play board games with the Pella peeps. There were some good laughs and so fun playing Settlers. I had never play this version and they let me cheat a little . . . God bless them. Did I mention that I found a tshirt that says "Yes we Catan" on it. Pretty funny.

Jon Kalvig. What can I say about this guy. My brother from a different mother who loves to be himself. He likes to push a little and poke at you to be active and sometimes that is just what I need. I could not be more proud of what he did with a little opportunity I told him about so many years ago. The guy has moxy and dig that. Our conversations are always awesome and random.

I am loving the reconnect that comes with holidays . . . . so blessed

Is it a New Year already?

Tonight is the night! The night we celebrate all that was and welcome in the promise of tomorrow. The funny thing about it is that I think few of us really reflect on what this year has been to us and doubt few are really thinking of the hopes that come with a new year. I enjoy watching the way people celebrate on New Year's Eve . . .what can I say I am people watcher. So many take tonight to mean that it their last chance to live out loud and a little crazy before the things apparently start anew tomorrow on January 1. Cause tomorrow brings an idea that we all can be something new and different with changing of the year. A clean slate of sorts. I suppose something magical happens between midnight and the next time the sun rises on 2010 that allows us to let go of the year and the past despite nothing really changing.

Many of us have a New Year's resolution that we swear by and promise to make a change: Lose those extra pounds, get those little projects done around the house, stop smoking, etc. Everyone has something different and start the year with good intentions. But as my good friend Jon points out in his blog, these commitment only are temporary most times.

Still there are so many times that we make these commitments, these promises to ourselves without having a clue why we are making them. And by this time next year comes around we will be making a similiar promise to ourselves. Why do we do this vicious circle: Hope, frustration, denial, giving up, and then moving on and ignoring that we ever made a commitment. Year after year.

Deep inside our head and heart is this ingrained hope that we can be something better than we are. That we can be the best version of ourselves if we only tried. Without a doubt I think that hope is very true and very much a part of who we are intented to be. We are meant to continue to grow and reinvent who we are as we get older. Who says we have to be same person tomorrow that we were today.

But change doesn't happen until the moment that you can look back and know yourself for who you once were. Is it possible we skip the most important thing of all in these resolutions. What does it matter to lose 10 pounds if your marriage is failing? Why give up soda and ignore the fact that you hate your parents? Does it really change your world to remodel the living room when you still haven't dealt with the pain of lossing a loved one?

Why are we making changes on the surface and not where it matters? Let's be honest for a second. The older we get the more that looking back, on the year that was, can get harder. There are more failures, more losses, more regrets, and more times we wished we could have done it differently. It doesn't mean that there are less good moments just more life to make mistakes in. The question is are we committing to change the things that matter.

Jesus never ask anyone to lose weight, never suggested drinking less Mt. Dew, and He never asked a man to replace the bathroom tile to make it a little more modern. This man always asked for things to change in the heart and souls of men. Jesus knew that reinventing ones self is not a matter of appearance but of a wholistic person. And most times it involved people looking back at their pain, mistakes, and recent past to know that is the type of change they really needed in their soul.

So my prayer for the last day of 2009 is that in the year of 2010 that you all are resolved and blessed by God to change deeply and intimately with Him and yourself.

As for me I am not ready to make a resolution. The new year doesn't start for me until pitchers and catcher report to spring training. ;)

Be Blessed

Where's the Magic has Gone.

Waking up never seems easy except for those few exceptional days in our year. And December 25th use to be one of those days. Yet as I wiped away the sleep from my eyes and took in the first deep breath of Christmas day it felt somewhat ordinary and familiar. And in that early morning, groggy state of being, I looked out the window to see what most people in the midwest hope for on this day. . . newly falling snow. It is that little piece of atmosphere that makes the day set apart from so many others and brings a bit of joyful nostalgia to our hearts. Still what should be . . isn't. The snow seems almost gray and it brings a sense of cold, not the warmth that it should. It is just winter. Is this what it means to grow up; is this the way it is suppose to be? Where has the magic, awe, and wonder gone?

Many of you are probably thinking that is just me being a hum bug but I don't think that is true. I had a goal of writing the 25 days of Christmas but I couldn't do it because some how I missed it. The hope was to reveal the anticipation or unfamiliar reverence of a day that seems lost but I MISSED IT. Something has changed deep in the soul of this day . . . something has changed.

In the last few days I have been a part of several conversation that entail the weather and how it is effecting many Christmas celebrations. Surprisingly there has been a common theme of being unsatisfied. Many feel stuck with their family and are just hoping to get through the day without being annoyed. As I sit here images are flying through my mind of new hopes for this Christmas and the next ones. And they involve my family and I am far from annoyed. I look forward the next Christmas that has a blizzard, to be honest. It will hopefully be a day that I will be awaken by the smell of pine in the air and a soft voice of my future wife saying "Merry Christmas". Perhaps trying to steal a moment together snuggling in our warm bed before the scurry of little feet come running down the hall. Then the sounds of giggles and excitement and little voices pleading to open presents and clammering about the snow falling outside. Then turning the heat up a little in the house and making my wife some coffee for us to sip on as we take in the festivities in the living room. But what I really am excited for is the dream of playing games together, cooking together, and then sit around the table to read the story of our Savior's birth. Taking turns to read the Bible and not being in a hurry. This is what I am now anticipating for my future. And I am sure it seems like a tangent.

All that was just written about is relevant to what I am thinking though. Something has changed in the fundamental way we look at Christmas. My dream seems like a return to olden days and not the conventional. It is not the going from one location to the next, it is not the pleasing everyone until exhaustion, and it is not rushing from moment to moment but rather not rushing a moment. It all seems simple enough but there is still more to it that is lost in translation of this holiday season.

Observation is more compelling that ideas and I have come to a few stunning observations during Advent.

The dollar bill is the new symbol of Christmas in America. People are going out at 12am the day after thanksgiving to purchase things we can't afford, don't need, and most times are not even sure that we want, let alone need. Often times the people that are being shopped for at those early morning sales are ourselves but vailed under the loose notion that is for a spouse or the family. There are a slew of objections to this criticism and I understand that often we upgrade our lives at Christmas time. But what does upgrading have to do with Christmas?

One of my favorite stories during Christmas is the The Gift of the Maji by O. Henry. It about a couple that knows each other so well that they both know what gift would bless each other beyond measure. With that desire to give came a desire to sacrifice. In the end the real gift was the love it took to sacrifice what they treasured most for each other. How does a flat screen have anything to do with that? Expensive has taken over for thoughtful gifts and upgrading has thrown out the blessing of simple pleasures.

Money is ruling a day of remembrance and hope. Network TV not longer show Christmas movies without huge sponsors and Christmas day is normal programming that bring money into each company. When I was a kid all day was Christmas movies. Not to mention the movies that have morals and character are all but gone. I have not scene A Christmas Carol or A Miracle on 34th street at all this year. Money instead of Christmas spirit. . . nice.

Perhaps these thoughts are way in left field. But if you feel that same disappointment with your Christmas then maybe it is time to rethink today. And here are 5 ways to change it.

1. Turn the TV off. Even if your kids just got a PS3, no TV on Christmas. Trust me they can wait.

2. Focus on your own family. For me that includes my parents and brothers since I am single but if I had my own family today would be about us. Say no to the 10 family gatherings in two days. Any time between December 15 - January 1 can be used to gather the extended family. Use Christmas day to be intimate and small and personal.

3. Bring back traditions and/or make some. Christmas is going through the motions for most of use, but traditions force us to slow down, remember, and take stock. You will never regret a tradition because it allows us to engage our family.

4. Limit your spending. This is not financial this is for peace. When you put time into a gift, whether making it or really having purpose to your purchase it changes the idea of gifts and giving. Upgrade your lifestyle after your tax return.

5. Take your time reading through the story of the birth of Christ and let everyone that can take part in the reading. One of my favorite memories of Christmas was when my friends wife was reading from Luke 2 and her love for the scripture cause her to weep in joy, which then made me cry. Fall in love with the Word together.

Be blessed and Merry Christmas

Preparing the way

It seems easy enough, the road to Bethlehem that is. When we think of the Joe and Mary's little journey from Nazareth we often picture the tired father trudging along in front of the expectant mother on the donkey's back. Slowly they venture through the desert sands and sandstorms with some mystical compass that gets them to Oh Little Town of Bethlehem. I have a nagging feeling deep inside myself that there was indeed a road. Not just an obscure road but a well travelled and well marked one at that. There were few real obstacles in the way other than it took time to travel the near 100 miles.

Perhaps we want a romantic idea of the nativity. One with toil and impossible odds that lead to the moment a baby was born in a stable. Yet I doubt there was the giant sand storms or wild animals stocking the two travelers or even Mary fainting several time before arrival. I bet the actual trip was pretty uneventful and like any other long trip.

Yet I bet the real obstacles lingered inside them every step along the road. The thoughts and fear and hopes and dreams that must have been going through their minds. I would bet they were amazing. Not only did they have normal first time parent stuff but they also had those messages from the angels to think about. And how does one figure out if they are good enough to be the parents of God and not only that, how do they rectify their own sin before He comes into the world. The amount of silence and prayer must have been incredible along the road. How much of their sin and baggage did this duo leave behind with every mile they got closer to their divine destiny?

So here we are in Advent, the time to prepare the way. A lot of pastor's use the analogy of traveling the road to Bethlehem. But what if you did actually prepare your heart of the Savior's birth? I am not talking about getting hyped up for the holidays or mass repentance of the world to be amazingly pure for the 25th of December. What if we took the time to be silent, pray, and ponder our divine destiny with Jesus. The real call of Advent is to consider a world before the Messiah was with us and then to be ready for a world that has Him in a real and tangible way. Let's be real folks. Jesus isn't a baby anymore. That is not the point of all this. So today as we prepare the way, let us be like Mary and Joseph and take the time to wonder what it means to have JESUS in this world. How that now that He is here . . . everything. . . everything . . . EVERYTHING has changed. So if you want to believe in this Advent then prepare for everything to change.